if i never see your face again ... then i will find you and love you once more time after time

Tuesday, February 28, 2012 
one zero zero zero 
come here again, you little dark thing

Lost again, in a sea of familiarity.
Alone again, in crowd of people I dont know.
Asleep in the wake
and awake in the sleep.

There is just something about me that keeps me rooted in this position.

I keep writing but they mean nothing.

I look back at my past writings and see nothing.

breathe a short air

That defeated feeling where everything is pointless, useless, and hopeless is back.

Maybe I am too used to being pessimistic. I am used to a cycle of joy, quickly followed by another cycle of empty sorrows.

I think I might have tried being positive. Or maybe I didn't. It's so much easier to slip under the comforts of the blankets. The darkness, while cruel, is comforting.

no cause

Sometimes I wake up feeling not alright. There isn't a particular reason -although one can argue it may be from the brain chemicals' dysfunctions. But that's just it. I can wake feeling like the world can go to hell and I wouldn't give a damn.

But I cant justify why I feel that way. I also cant justify to you why I feel so damn upset today that I can't hold back the tears. I cried and I cried and I still don't feel better.

Sometimes I think I know the reasons; other times I think its all just bullshits.

Do people who are depressed cry all the times? Cause if then, I might have been born depressed.

breaking down

He asked me what was wrong, and I cried.

He asked if I was okay, and I cried.

He told me he loves me, and I cried.

I look at him, just looking, and I cried.

The whole day today was about crying. I cried my heart out for no reason and he held me in his arms, telling me that he loves me and that everything will be fine.